you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
