She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
