At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
