Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
