you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
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