My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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