3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
