Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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