How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Randomize
