i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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