Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
