i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
