had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
