I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she told me i tasted like america
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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