i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
