I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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