my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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