OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
