mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
