I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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