We won't sleep together?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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