You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i barfeds in our rink
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
It's blow job season.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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