FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
