the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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