if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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