Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
