If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
