I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
