I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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