Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
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But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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