why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
