She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
