Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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