She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
