All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Houston, we have a squirter
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
