Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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