I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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