My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
