I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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