I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize