The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
