Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
