So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
