I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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