Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
