hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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