If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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