8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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