Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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