If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
