I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize