when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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