i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
