before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
