he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
