Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
