ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
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He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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