I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
