Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
