I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
