So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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