are you still at the devil's house?
420 ftw
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
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I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
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i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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