He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
we're making bets on your personal life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
