I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
