Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm getting married
To pizza
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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