Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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