i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize