I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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