Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
