I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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