even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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