Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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