I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
should my penis look like a turkey
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
