I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
