we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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