I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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